


A Difficult Confession

by SakuraLilly



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Gay, Insecurity, Nervousness, Secrets, Trans Female Character, Trans Hoshizora Rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21672388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakuraLilly/pseuds/SakuraLilly
Summary: Rin has been trying to come out to her girlfriend for months, but she can't find the right way to tell her. So when Hanayo starts to realise something is up, she has to figure out the right way to tell her.
Relationships: Hoshizora Rin/Koizumi Hanayo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	A Difficult Confession

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fuRinjuru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuRinjuru/gifts).



> Writing RinPana was really difficult for me, so I hope it comes across okay. Trans Rin needs more content tho, so I needed to do my part. I hope you enjoy.

Disgust. 

That is the only emotion Rin feels as she looks at the clothes that line her wardrobe, the shirts that hang there, the suit cover that hides her most despised outfit, the underwear section below. 

_ It’s all wrong. _ She thinks to herself as her fist slams the door closed, her eyes starting to water slightly.  _ Why can’t I just have something cute? _ Her eyes dart to her mess of a bed, and her body quickly starts making its way over there, before crouching down and pulling out a box from the corner where two walls meet.

She lifts the lid off to the sight of a piece of pale yellow material with white and orange frills at the bottom of it. She lifts it up and she now holding a short dress.  _ I know I can’t wear this out yet… but I just want to try it on. _

Before she can convince herself not to, she quickly tosses her shirt over her head and pulls the dress onto her. It doesn’t fit her perfectly, but the feeling of pure elation that overwhelms her completely distracts her from all that. She takes a step back and does a spin, feeling the way the frills at the bottom flare out as they turn and letting a smile finally form on her face.

A shuffling outside her door causes her to freeze up.  _ Please don’t come in. _ She closes her eyes and waits for the worst, and waits, and waits. When it’s clear that no one is coming in, she quickly pulls off her dress and puts it back in the box, sliding it back into its corner.  _ I hate having to do this. _

After reopening her wardrobe, she picks out a pair of blue shorts that are the most feminine she’s been able to find online and a white top and pulls them on, quickly reaching under her top to adjust her bra slightly and making sure it’s as invisible as possible.

“∎∎∎∎∎, would you mind picking me up some food while you’re out?” Rin flinches as she hears the words echoing up the stairs. The sound of her old name still hurts her, even though there’s no way anyone could know what her actual name is yet.

“Fine!” She calls down as her hands curl into fists.  _ I should just get going, there’s no telling what she’ll ask me to do if I stay longer. _

“Thank you, I left a list by the door!” She can hear the footsteps walking away from the ground floor and she breathes a sigh of relief.  _ Okay… I think I have everything I need.  _ She looks at her satchel that sits on the top of her bed. It’s the only feminine thing she’s been able to get away with owning, with its pink fabric and cute cat faces along it. She’s always loved cats and so her mother didn’t even seem to bat an eye when she saw it for the first time.  _ I should probably let Hanayo know I’m leaving early though. _

_ “Hey, mum was being a pain, so I’m gonna be heading out now. See you soon~ <3” _

_ “Okay, I’ll make sure to be ready for when you get here.” _

Rin grabs her satchel and makes her way towards the front door, grabbing the note from her mother as she does. “I’m leaving!” She doesn’t wait for a response before heading outside.

* * *

When she gets to Hanayo’s house, she notices that her heart is beating faster and faster with every step she takes. Rin closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.  _ No… stop it body… I’m going to do this, I have to do this. _ She keeps her breathing slow as the nerves start to build up inside her.  _ Just one foot after another. _ She tries to keep walking, but it feels like the ground below her is made of glue. 

“∎∎∎∎∎!” A cheerful voice calls to her and she looks up at the source. Hanayo is waving to her from her window.

Despite the use of her old name, Rin still feels happy as she looks up at her girlfriend. She quickly starts running towards the door to Hanayo’s house. She gets there to see it open, with the familiar violet eyes and shoulder-length brown hair of the other girl welcoming her inside.

“How are you, Hanayo?” Rin asks as she embraces her, feeling the warmth of the brunette against her. 

“N-Not bad, thank you.” The two of them break away and, without needing to say anything, start heading up towards Hanayo’s room. “And you?”

“Mother was being her usual annoying self, but I’m not doing too bad.” Rin doesn’t look over at her girlfriend as the two of them walk.  _ I need to find a good opportunity to tell her. _ The thought echoes around in her head, making it hard to focus on anything else but what might happen when she does.  _ Will she be okay with it? Will she think I’m weird? Will she break up with me?  _ Each question was accompanied by a different image of that scenario playing out in her head, every single one of them negative. It’s been the same situation every time they’ve hung out since Rin decided she was ready to come out, each time her mind had managed to convince her not to do anything and to just let it go.  _ I will do it this time… I… this time will be different. _

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Hanayo looks over at the orange-haired girl, her eyes glistening in the light, amplifying the worried look she’s giving her. “You’ve looked so… distant.”

“Yeah… I’m… I’m fine.” Rin forces her lips into a smile, which does nothing to avert the look her girlfriend is giving her.

“I’m serious ∎∎∎∎∎, if there’s something wrong, you should tell me.” Hanayo places a hand onto her girlfriend’s shoulder. “You’ve been distant for months now and I can tell there’s something troubling you.”

Time seems to slow for Rin as she finds herself opening her mouth to reply, but with no sound escaping.  _ What do I tell her? Am I ready to…  _ She takes a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I just can tell when there’s something wrong with you and it makes me worried that… that you might want to… um... “ Hanayo’s eyes glisten as water starts seeping into them. “...b-break up…”

Rin’s heart stops in her chest.  _ She… was thinking that...  _ Her body moves on its own, pulling Hanayo into a hug. “It’s nothing like that… you’ve done nothing wrong… it’s just…”

“It’s okay… you don’t have to tell me.” Hanayo looks into Rin’s eyes and her lips curl into a smile. “If you’re not comfortable yet, you don’t have to force yourself.”

“N-No… I’m okay…” Rin looks towards the door to Hanayho’s room, which they’d still yet to enter. “But… we should go into your room first, it’s a bit weird to stay at the top of the stairs.”

The brunette giggles and looks down the stairs, breaking the hug as she does. Her hand slides along Rin’s arm and captures the other girl’s hand in her own as if she didn’t want to lose the contact between them.

The two of them walk silently into Hanayo’s room and sit next to each other on the bed, each turned slightly to face each other their hands between them, fingers intertwined, and their eyes locked on each other. 

“Okay… so…” Rin starts but the words catch in her throat. 

_ How is the best way to say this? I have to get this right?  _ She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. It’s then that she feels her hands being squeezed, the warmth of their palms pressed against each other, and the softness of her girlfriend’s fingers against her own rougher ones.  _ I need to not think about this so much… let’s just let whatever comes out come out.  _

“The problem is nothing to do with you… it’s all to do with me.” She pauses slightly, keeping her eyes shut tight so she can’t let Hanayo’s reaction sway her words. “I um… I’m not comfortable with my body, how I look, sound, smell…” Rin can hear a shuffling on the bed, causing her to stop talking slightly. “But… it’s more than that… I… I’m… I don’t think… I’m actually…” Her heart starts beating faster and faster in her chest.  _ Well… here goes nothing...  _ “I don’t think I’m a guy… I feel more like I should be a girl.”

A silence falls over the two of them. _This is it… she’s going to think I’m stupid, find someone else to date, and tell me I’m stupid._ She wants to open her eyes and look at Hanayo, but she can’t bear to see the look of sadness and disappointment that must be on the girl’s face.

However, the next thing Rin feels is a kiss being pressed against her cheek, Hanayo’s hands leaving hers and wrapping around her neck, pulling the two of them into an embrace. It’s then that she opens her eyes to see the violet eyes that she loves so much, with a coating of tears, staring back into her own. 

“Thank you.” The brunette whispers to her. “Thank you for telling me, ∎∎-” She starts to say Rin’s old name before stopping herself. “I-Is there a new name you go by now? That one doesn’t really fit you anymore.”

Rin feels her mouth open in shock.  _ She… She’s okay with it?  _ Her arms wrap around Hanayo in response and pull her closer. “Rin.”

“Well then, Rin, I’m so glad you managed to tell me.” Hanayo pulls away slightly so they can look into each other’s eyes once more. “I’m sure you’ll be an amazing girlfriend.”

“I-It doesn’t… you don’t… find it weird?” Rin looks at the other girl, shock still evident on her face.

“No… all I want is for you to be happy.” Hanayo leans in to peck Rin on the lips. “If you believe that this is who you really are… then that’s who I want you to be.”

Rin’s brain finally processes exactly what has happened and she begins to smile. “Thank you… I could never ask for a better girlfriend… I… I love you, Hanayo.”

“And I love you,  _ Rin _ .” Rin’s heart leaps as she hears her name said properly out loud, her smile widens and her arms tighten around Hanayo. 

“This actually explains a lot.” Hanayo starts staring off into the distance. “I was wondering why you’d been asking all those questions.” The two of them make eye contact once more and start to laugh.

“It’s going to be a long journey… I hope you’re okay with that.” Rin thinks back to the hours of research she’s done on private mode late at night.

“Then I’ll be here every step of the way to support you.” 

“I really do love you, Hanayo.”

“I know you do.” The two of them rest their foreheads together and nuzzle their noses against each other. “And I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to coffee_o for beta reading this for me and helping with the edits.
> 
> fuRinjuru, I hope you enjoy this as you're an amazing person and a wonderful friend.
> 
> And finally, thanks to you for reading this! I hope you enjoyed~


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